I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
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Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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