You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
