Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
40s are totally the cure
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
