yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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