I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
