explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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