the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
