They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
