i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
