So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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