do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just found puke in my bra..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
