Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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