yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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