I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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