he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize