Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
