I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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