i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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