did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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