He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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