I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
