super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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