i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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