we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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