We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Found the puke drawer
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Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a beard to bite.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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