he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
