she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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