Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I supernannyed him into submission
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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