We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
