By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
