some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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