i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
