I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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