if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ttyl tear gas
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
