just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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