The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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