I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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