i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
