how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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