Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
