It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
