Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
