Barsexuality is the new black.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
