I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
40s are totally the cure
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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