...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
