I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
