why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
