weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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