You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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