hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
