i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
