Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
