His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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