How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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