if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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