went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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