I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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