why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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