I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This house was built for laser tag.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
