So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
