i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
