what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
