There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
