pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
