Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
