Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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