Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
