so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
