Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
