how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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